


Like I Would

by Soulmateshinki



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 05:10:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7787908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soulmateshinki/pseuds/Soulmateshinki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“This is your decision, Changmin. Just remember that. You are the one walking away and I love you enough to let you.”</p><p>(Song Fic #1)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like I Would

 

Changmin is drunk out of his fucking mind, lying on the floor of his recording studio, sheets of lyrics scattered around him. Every single paper is scribbled with lines and lines of rhymes and verses inspired by and alluding to his ex-boyfriend.

 

“Fucking shit,” he mumbles to himself as he picks up one of the papers beside him and tries to focus on the words. Since dawn, he had spent the entire day holed up in the studio, along with a mini fridge that contained more beer than food, and the result was an entire album’s worth of songs fairly blatantly about Yunho.

 

“Fucking damn it,” he mutters, feeling a dull pain thudding in his temples and grabbing the papers near him to tear into pieces. The hangover he’s going to feel in a couple of hours is going to be a doozy.

 

“Fucking Yunho.” _Fucking Yunho_. That was the cure-all to everything for him in the past but, unfortunately, not an option at the moment.

 

The door creaks open behind him.

 

“Changmin, what the hell?” His manger walks over to tower over him, face scrunched in a scowl.

 

“You smell like a dead rat that’s been fermenting in a tub of cheap alcohol. Get the fuck up.”

 

“You’re so poetic hyung. How are you not the artist here?”

 

“Get up, Changmin.”

 

“I’m not going, hyung.”

 

“Like hell you’re not. I’m not having this argument with you again, Changmin. It’s been six damn months. Time to be a big boy now and carry on with life. Get up and jog off whatever obscene amount of alcohol you’ve managed to attack your liver with this time and take a bath.”

 

He scrunches his noses as he bends down to pick up an empty alcohol bottle lying beside Changmin, “Seriously though, take a long ass bath and make yourself presentable for god sake. I’m gonna drive you to your flat, you’ve got two hours to make yourself decent.”

 

* * *

 

It doesn’t take much for Changmin to look decent, a shower, a shave, and a suit.

 

“Well, look who stepped out of a GQ magazine,” he hears his manger proclaim as he slides on his loafers.

 

“I feel like absolute shit though.”

 

“You brought that on yourself, and don’t start that bullshit about alcohol ‘facilitating the growth of the creative outlets of your mind’ because all you’ve ever gotten out of it are increasingly monumental hangovers and fuck all’s worth of actual work done.”

 

Changmin just groans and leans back on the passenger seat as his manager drives toward the venue.

 

Tonight is Kwon BoA’s engagement party. The “queen” of SM entertainment had finally decided to settle down with her long-term boyfriend. They had planned a small, quiet event with their families for the actual wedding and tonight’s get-together was for all the friends and co-workers.

 

Changmin was utterly elated for BoA, but the thought of some of the people that would be present at the party made his stomach churn.

 

It had been one week short of six months since he’d last spoken to Yunho, almost six months since the end of an era of TVXQ and the rise of their own individual careers.

 

Yunho had changed his personal phone number since then, the phone which had a handful of Yunho’s closest friends and family, and now Changmin was not part of that list. He was still a contact in Yunho’s work phone though but so was most of the entertainment industry.

 

Nausea never fails to rack through his body every single time his mind loses a grip on itself and lets memories of the past year resurface, waves of so many emotions that meld together and crash though his thoughts and senses: regret, anger, loneliness, sadness, doubt, frustration, confusion. Regret was the one that hit him the hardest, left him vomiting in toilets of unknown bars at 3am in the morning with those words ringing in his head.

 

_“This is your decision, Changmin. Just remember that. You are the one walking away and I love you enough to let you.”_

 

His manager was wrong. Six months isn’t nearly enough time to bury 15 years.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The venue is an upscale club in Gangnam. The VIP floor had been reserved for the gathering.

 

Changmin, who had miraculously been able to avoid so much as an eye-contact with Yunho for the past hour, was currently sitting at the bar with kyuline while Yunho sat with BoA, her fiancé, Heechul, Siwon and Kangin on the sofas in front of the bar. If Changmin focuses, he can hear Yunho’s voice quite clearly even though the room is buzzing with chatter, banter, and laughter. _Is that strange_ , he wonders, _for one to become especially attuned to a certain voice_.

 

Changmin glances towards the sofas and sees BoA getting up and dragging her fiancé towards the DJ booth.

 

“He didn’t hear a single word,” Kyuhyun’s voice cuts through his thoughts.

 

“What?”

 

“This whole discussion about the next Kyuline gig for next month’s SMtown concert, hyung. What do you think about my idea? It’s honestly not as lame as Kyuhyun hyung’s making it out to be.”

 

“Forget it, Minho, he’s been too busy eavesdropping on his ex for him to hear anything we’ve been talking about for the past hour,” Kyuhyun smirks and takes a sip of his martini.

 

Before Changmin can attempt to defend himself, Heechul’s voice rings out slightly louder than the general drone of conversation.

 

“So how was your date last night, Yunho-ah?”

 

Heechul never did have a strong brain to mouth filter, and with a few sips of alcohol it was nonexistent.

 

“Good. It was fine.”

 

“Better than that model guy though? That one was pretty fucking sexy.”

 

Changmin can feel people’s eyes on him, but he’s too busy trying to breath properly to care too much.

 

“Yeah I, uh, think I have more in common with Changwookie.”

 

“Ji Chang Wook? Hell yeah, Yunho-dol,” Heechul grins and thumps Yunho’s shoulders a few times before taking another shot of vodka.

 

Changmin’s ears are burning painfully now, every inch of his skin heating up as anger and jealousy rips through each nerve.

 

_What model? What the fuck? Ji Chang Wook? What the fucking shit?_

It’s absurd to think that Yunho hadn’t been dating since the break up but…but _fuck._ Changmin had been utterly fucked up over all his emotions for the past few months, but he had yet to experience jealousy, that unhinged feeling that ripped apart the few shreds of mental stability he had managed to secure.

 

He had chosen to leave, to walk away from the longest relationship he’d ever had because it was too much. They had known each other since they were young teenagers but had dated for a little more than 5 years. A love like their’s was maddening, too serious, and the gravity of it all was altogether too much to process.

 

Yunho had always wanted forevers and Changmin had spent his life firmly believing “forever” is nothing less than a romantic delusion. So he backed out. He backed out before he did something stupid like propose to Yunho, like run off with him into the country side to build a red-brick house and adopt five kids and seven dogs.

 

He was scared, anxious, uncertain, but now he was overwhelmingly empty.  Unsurprisingly, the most animated he had felt in the past six months was yet again because of Yunho. The waves of dizzying jealousy were painful but he felt alive, and everything was red when he had settled into a steady blue for half a year.

 

“You alright?” Kyuhyun puts an arm around his shoulders. Changmin shrugs and pours the nearest bottle of Grey Goose into a shot glass.

 

“Fucking Heechul hyung,” MinHo laughs, “some people shouldn’t be allowed around alcohol.”

 

All Changmin can do is shrug and nod his head.

 

Suddenly the lights dim low and strobe lights come on above the dance floor. Music blasts from every direction, cutting off all conversation.

 

Changmin sees Heechul pulling Yunho and Siwon toward the dancefloor.

 

“Hyung! Let’s go dance!” Minho shouts over the music.

 

“You guys go. I’ll go later, when a song I like comes on or something,” Changmin shouts back.

 

He watches as almost everyone in the room slowly end up on the dance floor, Kyuhyun trying and failing to dance close to Yeon Hee, MinHo trying to demonstrate every dance move he’d learned throughout his idol career, and Heechul doing body rolls on anyone that came near him. He had lost sight of Yunho, who had moved deeper into the crowd.

 

The colors of the strobe lights change as the next song comes on and Changmin pours his second shot of vodka.

 

**_Hey what's up! It's been a while..._ **

**_Talking 'bout it's not my style_ **

**_Thought I'd see what's up_ **

**_While I'm lightin' up_ **

**_(It's cold-hearted! Cold-hearted...)_ **

**_Know it's late but I'm so wired_ **

**_Saw your face and got inspired_ **

**_Guess you let it go, now you're good to go_ **

**_(It's cold-hearted! Cold-hearted...)_ **

Changmin catches a glimpse of Yunho as the vodka sears through his veins. Yunho looks fucking hot. _Yunho always looks fucking hot_.

 

He’s dancing comfortably, body moving fluidly with the music, smiling and laughing with everyone around him. Changmin takes off his blazer and walks towards his ex-boyfriend.

 

**_This is probably gonna sound wrong_ **

**_Promise it won't last long_ **

**_(Oh oh)_ **

**_If we can never go back_ **

**_Thought you'd like to know that_ **

 

The strobe lights illuminate different areas around him as Changmin pushes past everyone until he’s next to Yunho, the music pounds through his head, reverberating through his entire body.

 

Yunho looks startled to see him and pauses dancing for a seconds before composing himself again, face flushed pink with alcohol.

 

There’s so many people on the dance floor now, and everyone is pushing into each other. Changmin lets himself get pushed close to Yunho, sliding his hands on to Yunho’s hips to dance with him. There’s enough alcohol in Yunho’s veins for him to not push Changmin away.

 

**_He, won't touch you like I do_ **

**_He, won't love you like I would_ **

**_He don't know your body_ **

**_He don't do you right_ **

**_He won't love you like I would_ **

**_Love you like I would_ **

****

Dancing with Yunho is easy. He knows how Yunho’s body moves and how to sync with it, whether on the dance floor or elsewhere. Changmin wonders how far he can go before he gets shoved away.

 

Yunho smells like his Armani cologne and Changmin leans closer to his neck for the familiar scent. He feels Yunho’s hand on his head, fingers curling around his hair to stop him from coming nearer.

 

“What are you doing,” he breaths into Changmin’s ear.

 

Goosebumps flare across Changmin’s skin. “Nothing,” he whispers, lips brushing against Yunho’s ear. Yunho doesn’t push him away, and Changmin moves closer, dancing almost chest to chest.

 

**_It's okay to want me, 'cause I want you_ **

**_Been thinkin' it over, but I’ll prove_ **

**_So stop wasting all my time, messing with my mind_ **

**_It's cold-hearted, it's cold-hearted_ **

 

He feels Yunho’s nose brush against his neck as their bodies move together, “Fuck off, Changmin,” Yunho misses his ear and murmurs into his neck.

 

Changmin trails the tip of his nose along Yunho’s ears, down his neck, feeling Yunho’s grip on his waist tighten, fingernails digging into his skin. He trails wet kisses back up the burning skin of Yunho’s neck, “fuck off with me, hyung?”

 

* * *

 

The same song plays again as Changmin tugs Yunho away from the dancefloor.

 

**_Oh oh_ **

**_This is probably gonna sound wrong_ **

**_Promise it won't last long_ **

**_Oh oh_ **

**_If we can never go back_ **

**_Thought you'd like to know that_ **

 

The music is still ripping through his senses, along with vodka and Yunho. Changmin had pulled Yunho onto his lap in a sofa off to an empty corner. Music pounding through his ears, alcohol burning through his body, and Yunho’s warm skin, Yunho’s cologne, Yunho’s lips on his.

****

**_He, won't touch you like I do_ **

**_He, won't love you like I would_ **

**_He don't know your body_ **

**_He don't do you right_ **

**_He won't love you like I would_ **

**_Love you like I would_ **

****

Hands and lips explore every part of Yunho’s body he can reach, both of them still moving in sync, but Yunho stops him from going near the buttons of his pants.

 

“You’re still crazy,” he moans, biting softy into Changmin’s neck.

****

**_He can't hold you like I would_ **

**_He can't love you like I would_ **

**_He don't know your body_ **

**_He don't know your body_ **

**_He, won't touch_** you ** _like I do_**

**_He, won't love you like I would_ **

 

“Always crazy for you,” Changmin mumbles into Yunho’s lips, grinding upwards. Yunho’s arms winds around Changmin’s neck.

 

“Actors and models, huh?” Changmin breaks their kiss to bite Yunho’s lips, hard enough to sting slightly.

 

He feels Yunho smile. “ _One_ actor, _one_ model, and a few casual dates.”

 

Relief crashes through Changmin’s body, leaving him almost fatigued.

 

“So you’re not in a relationship?”

 

Yunho shakes his head.

 

“You jealous assho—“

 

Changmin connects their mouths once more.

****

**_He don't know your body_ **

**_He don't do you right_ **

**_He won't love you like I would_ **

**_Love you like I would_ **

**_Like I would_ **

****

“I like Chang Wook though,” Yunho moans as the tip of Changmin’s tongue grazes up his neck. He feels Changmin bite lightly into his skin as a response.

 

“Can he compare to me,” Changmin murmurs into his ear, sucking an earlobe into his mouth.

 

“I haven’t given him a chance to yet.”

 

“Don’t.” Changmin’s palm slides up to rest on Yunho’s cheek as he comes up for another kiss. “At least wait until you go on a date with me.”

****

**_He, won't touch you like I do_ **

**_He, won't love you like I would_ **

**_He don't know your body_ **

**_He don't do you right_ **

**_He won't love you like I would_ **

**_Love you like I would_ **

**_Like I would_ **

****

Changmin rests his head against the sofa and tries to catch his breath as Yunho sucks a love bite on the curve of his neck, long fingers winding through his hair, pulling gently. He grips Yunho’s thighs, runs his hands up his back, fingernails scratching gently against the skin. Sparks are shooting through his body, singeing every nerve.

 

“Yunho,” he gasps softly and closes his eyes after Yunho rolls his hips once again, “hyung, let’s go somewhere?”

****

**_He, won't touch you like I do_ **

**_He, won't love you like I would_ **

**_He don't know your body_ **

**_He don't do you right_ **

**_He won't love you like I would_ **

**_(LIKE I WOULD...)_ **

****

The last verse of the song resounds through the club, and all of the sudden Yunho’s gone. Changmin opens his eyes to see Yunho straightening his clothes.

 

“I’m sorry. I don’t sleep with people I’m not in a relationship with.”

 

_What the fuck._

Before Changmin has the chance to verbalize his thoughts, Yunho heads off towards the exit, and Changmin’s pants feel way too painfully tight for him to even stand up properly.

 

* * *

 

Changmin splashes cold water on his face and attempts to groom his hair, studying his reflection in the mirror of the club’s blindingly bright bathroom. He looks utterly obscene, lips red and swollen, hair thoroughly tussled, skin marked with bruises, bites marks, and scratches. The marks under his clavicle catch his attention, and he pulls his white v-neck off to study them.

 

Changmin grins as he realizes the light red scratches on his chest form 10 digits. Running his fingers over the raised marks, he pulls out his phone to dial Yunho’s new personal phone number.

 

“Hyung,” he sighs as Yunho answers the phone.

 

“You walked away, Changmin.”  

 

“I know,” Changmin winces, “you have to lose what you love to understand what love is.”

 

“And what’s love?”

 

“For me? It’s you. Every single thing to do with you, the way you are, the way I am because of you, and the way we exist together. It’s my idea of forever, of infinity, no matter how long the actual time is. I’m sorry I ran away because I couldn’t grasp that concept.”

 

“Pretty words from lyricist Shim Changmin…”

 

“Let me show you?” _Please, let me show you._

 

There’s a long pause and Changmin holds his breath, panic slowly building up.

 

“Text me later for that date, then.”

 

Changmin smiles, “Ok! Right I’ll text you tom—“

 

“And bring your A-game because I really was looking forward to a third date with Chang Wookie.”

 

He hangs up before Changmin has a chance to start fuming again.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are welcome <3


End file.
